Every year I watch the classic Christmas movie, It’s A Wonderful Life, and this year I was particularly struck by the scene close to the end of the movie, where the protagonist George, contemplates suicide. He is in a financial pickle and he can’t see any way out. He prays to God to show him a way and God sends an angel down to set George straight, to show him that his life is worth living. As George stands on the bridge agonizing about jumping into the river and ending it all, he hears a cry for help coming from the murky waters. George jumps into the water and saves the drowning man , who is really his guardian angel in disguie.

As they are  warming themselves and chatting, George mentions that he wished he was never born. The angel decides to show George what the world would be like if George was not alive to make his contribution to life. They go into the town where George lives, but it is in an alternate reality to the one that George knows.  Everywhere George goes that was familiar to him in his own reality, he encounters the antithesis in this alternate reality. Because George is a kind and compassionate businessman,  through his help, the community prospered. George only finds hostility, harshness and economic depression in this alternate reality. He could not understand how this could be, and the angel reminds him that in this reality he does not exist; he is not there  to make a difference in the community. The angel continues to show him people he knows and how different their lives turned out because the good deeds he did to help those people, does not happen in this alternate reality.

George saw how important his being alive is, that his life matters to the rest of his community and his family. George turns around his desire to end his life and goes rushing home to celebrate Christmas  with his family. When his friends heard about his predicament, everyone chipped in to help him and his business was saved.

This scene from the movie reminds me of the quote from Socrates: An unexamined life is not worth living. If  we do not contemplate and become unaware of the effect our life has on others, we may not honor and value ourselves, we may belittle who we are, and we will not be able to see how being alive is a gift to ourselves and all of humanity.  Looking at our own lives, doing some journaling around this subject, can be a good exercise to heal depression, apathy and low self-esteem.

On the other hand many of us feel that we have something important to contribute to mankind but feel that we are not doing anything with our lives.  We may think that we have to become famous, that only people who write books, and accomplish great things, have an effect on the world. We may think that we must find our purpose, our mission in the world before we can give value to our lives. On the contrary, most of us are called to have an effect amongst a small circle of friends or in raising our own families. Many people live quiet anonymous lives, may not be active in their communities but by the grace of their peaceful presence, have a deep effect on those around them. Through their prayers and intention they hold the energy of peace for the rest of the world and that is valuable work that anyone can do.

Whoever we are, whatever we do, it matters that we are here to give the gift of our lives. The uniqueness of our input in life adds to the greatness of the whole. Stephen Covey said, “Synergy is the highest activity of life; it creates new untapped alternatives; it values and exploits the mental, emotional, and psychological differences between people.” Each one of is unique in character and wisdom and only we can make the impact on the world with our own stamp. No one else can duplicate how we do whatever we do. Think about it, the world would be a very different place if you were not in it to participate. Every time you offer your kindness, your love, your wisdom, it has a ripple effect in the lives of all those who are in contact with the recipients of your virtues. You touch lives that you are not even aware of; you make this a better world for all of us. Thank God you were born!

It’s the  end of the year and maybe like me, you are thinking that it sure went by fast. I read in some new-age magazine that our experience of time is speeded up because of a major shift in the magnetic fields of the earth. Whether or not this is true, what really matters is that we are present in the Now and  honor the gift of each moment as an opportunity to be the best that we can be with the talents that we have.  To make the best use of our time and resources, taking stock of our lives at this time of year, if you haven’t already done so, as I suggested in my post, Taking Stock, now is the time to do it. I like this practice because it helps me to refresh the vision that I hold for my life. I can see where I am at and the how, what, why and when of the big picture ahead. Looking through my journal entries from last year, I may see that the ideals that I previously held no longer fit, that I have outgrown them and want to make some changes in alignment with my new outlook. I am not one to make New Year’s resolutions, I prefer to be flexible and act spontaneously, changing my mind where and when I see fit to accommodate new insights or to let go of that which does not serve me any longer. For those of you who choose to make resolutions for what you want to create for yourself in the new year, I would like to share some tips with you about making them.

One of my yoga teachers used to say, “It is not the yoga that you do, but the courage that you bring to your yoga that is going to change your life.” These words carry great wisdom for making New Year’s resolutions too.  To recognize that it is not what we do but the core reason underlying the resolutions that we make, is what we are really wanting to invite into our lives. This is the crux as to whether or not we succeed in keeping those resolutions going and being able to celebrate our accomplishments.

Before starting out, we need to take a close look at what it is that we are really wanting. We are dissatisfied with how we feel; that gnawing sense of something missing, if only we could lose some weight then we will look and feel great and we will be happier. Does that sound familiar?  This formula for happiness applies to weight loss, stop smoking or drinking, finding a new partner, a new job, a new home, an exotic vacation etc. Just look at the list you usually make and you will notice that most, if not everything, is about getting happier. I think that all these are great ways to stimulate the change that we desire but looking deeper at any one of these wants, we will be able to find one core value that they represent. In the example of wanting to lose weight, what we are saying is that if we lose weight and look and feel better, then we will be more attractive to others, more lovable, and we see ourselves being and doing what all those beautiful people do on the ads in the glossy magazines and television. Sometimes it’s about wanting to feel more secure, that underlies the need to own more things like properties and cars. So the core value that we want is to feel safe and loved, and we look for it on the outside from a myriad of sources with the hope that we will find it there. We work very hard investing our time and energy in these outer pursuits but alas, many times even after we have the toys, the right friends, the big bank accounts, we still have that sense of emptiness inside.

The key to success to have all that we are wanting is to start with a sense of already experiencing the love, the feeling of safety, the fulfillment, by turning inwards and finding within, those qualities that only we can give to ourselves. No matter how much we accomplish on the outside, we can only appreciate the rewards of all our efforts if we already feel loved, valued and fulfilled just for who we are without any embellishments.

So I invite you to go ahead and make that New Year’s resolution list, and keep in mind that all the items on your list are just icing on the cake. The best gift you can give yourself in the new year is to appreciate the greatness of who you truly are. That my friend is what the spiritual healing journey is about, to recognize that all we are looking for on the outside is already who we are, we only have to reclaim our inner love, beauty, wealth and courage.

For the new year, I offer you this beautiful blessing from my yoga teacher:
May the long time sun
Shine upon you,
All love surround you,
And the pure light within you
Guide your way on.
May you come to know your truth,
Your true identity!

Happy New Year!

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?

* Dr. Seuss From “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”

A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world!

Image credit: CARF

AMAZING PEACE

Thunder rumbles in the mountain passes
And lightning rattles the eaves of our houses.
Flood waters await us in our avenues.

Snow falls upon snow, falls upon snow to avalanche
Over unprotected villages.
The sky slips low and grey and threatening.

We question ourselves.
What have we done to so affront nature?
We worry God.
Are you there? Are you there really?
Does the covenant you made with us still hold?

Into this climate of fear and apprehension, Christmas enters,
Streaming lights of joy, ringing bells of hope
And singing carols of forgiveness high up in the bright air.
The world is encouraged to come away from rancor,
Come the way of friendship.

It is the Glad Season.
Thunder ebbs to silence and lightning sleeps quietly in the corner.
Flood waters recede into memory.
Snow becomes a yielding cushion to aid us
As we make our way to higher ground.

Hope is born again in the faces of children
It rides on the shoulders of our aged as they walk into their sunsets.
Hope spreads around the earth. Brightening all things,
Even hate which crouches breeding in dark corridors.

In our joy, we think we hear a whisper.
At first it is too soft. Then only half heard.
We listen carefully as it gathers strength.
We hear a sweetness.
The word is Peace.
It is loud now. It is louder.
Louder than the explosion of bombs.

We tremble at the sound. We are thrilled by its presence.
It is what we have hungered for.
Not just the absence of war. But, true Peace.
A harmony of spirit, a comfort of courtesies.
Security for our beloveds and their beloveds.

We clap hands and welcome the Peace of Christmas.
We beckon this good season to wait a while with us.
We, Baptist and Buddhist, Methodist and Muslim, say come.
Peace.

Come and fill us and our world with your majesty.
We, the Jew and the Jainist, the Catholic and the Confucian,
implore you to stay awhile with us
so we may learn by your shimmering light
how to look beyond complexion and see community.

It is Christmas time, a halting of hate time.
On this platform of peace, we can create a language
to translate ourselves to ourselves and to each other.
At this Holy Instant, we celebrate the Birth of Jesus Christ

Into the great religions of the world.
We jubilate the precious advent of trust.
We shout with glorious tongues the coming of hope.
All the earth’s tribes loosen their voices to celebrate the promise of
Peace.

We, Angels and Mortals, Believers and Nonbelievers,
Look heavenward and speak the word aloud.
Peace.

We look at our world and speak the word aloud.
Peace.

We look at each other, then into ourselves,
And we say without shyness or apology or hesitation:

Peace, My Brother.
Peace, My Sister.
Peace, My Soul

A Christmas Poem by Maya Angelou

Today is the Winter Solstice when the sun begins its return to the northern hemisphere and we celebrate the warmth, light and cheerfulness to brighten up the darkest time of the year. It will soon also be the first day of the Jewish festival of light, Hanukkah, then Christmas and Kwanzaa. As we celebrate with our families and friends in these coming days, and remember in our prayers all those who are in need, we may wish that we can really make a difference, especially for those in the third world countries where there seem to be little hope. I invite you to join me in looking at different options where you can help. In the side bar under Recommended Sites, there are a few of my favorite charities. You can click on them and read about how little it costs to make a huge difference in the lives of families who are suffering from starvation, Malaria, AIDS and the fallout of many atrocities of political strife. If you cannot afford to donate, you can still help by clicking and playing on the Free Rice site and on the Hunger Site.

May you know Peace, Light, Love and Joy this holiday season and the whole year through!

Open the door,
let the blue sky span wide,
let inquisitive scents of petals enter my room,
let the first sunlight
seep through the veins of my body.
In the rustling of leaves let me hear
words that greet my being alive.
Let this morning
cover my mind with its shawl
as it shelters the new grass of the dark field.
All the love I have received-
its wordlessness
I hear in the sky, in the wind.
Today I bathe in its ceremony, its sacred waters.
The truth of a whole life as a gemmed garland
I see on the breast of that blue.

selection from Final Poems by Rabindranath Tagore
translated by Wendy Barker and Saranindranath Tagore

It is Christmas time, and I remember the magic of being a child  growing up on an island where Christmas meant the smell of imported apples and grapes from street vendors, carollers going door to door at night, stores decorated  with wintry scenes of the nativity and the most magical of all, life-size moving dolls in a toy-land come alive in a store window.

The holiday season, the most wonderful time of the year; for many it is and for some it is a reminder of Father Time under whose rule we either enrich or squander our lives. The Greek had two words for time,  Kronos and Kairos. Kronos refers to Time as we know it in the linear sense and is measured by clocks or chronometers and is derived from the Greek god Kronos who swallowed his children. Time in this linear sense enters each January 1 symbolized by an infant and departs on December 31 as Father Time, a long-bearded, bent-over old man. Kairos on the other hand is that quality of time with which we participate and lose track of. When we become totally absorbed,  involved with something or someone, we are in Kairos time rather than Kronos time. Whenever we are doing something that nourishes the soul, we are out of ordinary time and enter the dream time of Kairos where our sense of time becomes altered.

As a child I lived in Kairos most of the time, and especially at Christmas. Music was an important part of Christmas and the radio stations played carols, both secular and religious for more than two weeks before.  There was magic in the air with music, the smell of  baking and cooking, and the merry making of people as only a child can imagine. For me Christmas was definitely in Kairos time as I look back with fond memories. Now that I am much, much older coming up to my fifty fourth winter, Christmas is still a very special time but it has lost the excitement it had for me as a child. Do I wish to recreate that excitement if it were possible? No, as always with time, appearances can be deceiving and what made reality magical for me then will not and cannot hold the same effect for me today.

Time is relative to our consciousness and our state of mind. Time tends to move slowly when more than ninety percent of our life is ahead of us, and it seems to move more rapidly when there is not much of it left. Yet, I do not envy younger people for I have grown mellower with age, less a slave  to biochemical upheavals, certainly wiser and more peaceful. I look forward to developing that strange indefinable light that some elders portray that outshines the beauty of youth and reflects the glow of the magnificence of weathering.

Warning

by Jenny Joseph

WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Taken from the book
When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple
Editd by Sandra Martz
Papier Mache Press–Watsonville, California 1987

Trying to explain it to them
Leaves one feeling ridiculous and obscene
Their houses, like white bowls,
Sit on a prairie of ancient snowfalls
Caught beyond thaw or the swift changes
Of night and day.
They listen politely, and stride away

With spears and sleds and barking dogs
To hunt for food. The women wait
Chewing on skins or singing songs,
Knowing that they have hours to spend,
That the luck of the hunter is often late.

Later, by fires and boiling bones
In steaming kettles, they welcome me,
Far kin, pale brother,
To share what they have in a hungry time
In a difficult land. While I talk on
Of the southern kingdoms, cannon, armies,
Shifting alliances, airplanes, power,
They chew their bones, and smile at one another.

Mary Oliver

image credit: Carla216

This is the season that causes the greatest stress for many people and the most prominent source of this stress is their relationships with family members, and in particular the battleground of the estranged or disharmonious parent-child bond. Many people feel obligated to themselves to come to terms with their family dynamics during this season, and when faced with the challenge can become depressed with their inability to surmount their relationship difficulties or at best, to come to a place of acceptance of how things are.

I am in the midst of reading In Search Of Stones by M. Scott Peck MD the author of the widely read book, The Road Less Traveled. Peck was on vacation visiting sites of ancient stones in England, Wales and Scotland. He wrote about our discomfort with mystery, with not having answers, that we feel the need to find reasons as to why things exist, to the extent of fabricating solutions which are then passed on as truth. This is the human dilemma; the need to assuage our fear of the unknown and the need to fix things so that we feel comfortable and in control when in fact our very intentions prevent us from knowing; that the discovery of truth and the perfection of life’s ambiguities lies in not knowing. I empathize with his admission that as he grows older, he is less inclined to be as opinionated as in youth because so many of his illusions have been stripped away with age.

In this book Peck is extremely candid about his own foibles, being a famous man whom many place on an absurdly high pedestal and his difficult relationship with his children.  He said, “It is also unclear to what extent the problem is due to us being terrible parents or maybe due to the possibility that we’ve been almost too good in some ways. And while we are striving for healing, it is furthermore still unclear how much healing is probable or even possible….Indeed, one of our questions is whether or not this closeness is excessive, thereby requiring our children to keep their distance from me.”

Peck observed that the learning at that stage of his relationship with his children was about separation and that he was not prepared for it even though as a psychiatrist he understood the child’s need to individuate,  not just geographically but psychologically. He spoke of the common knowledge that disturbed parents can interfere with this separation process so as to retard it or even make it impossible. He mentioned that psychiatric literature tends to imply that this separation process is completed by the child and his parents by the end of adolescence when in fact the struggles continue on for many children throughout their twenties, thirties and into their forties, and for the parents they are well into their fifties, sixties and seventies. He went on to say that the professional literature does not talk about how painful it can be for all concerned.

So here we are once again, another holiday season upon us and all the skeletons are rattling in the closet. We attend the obligatory family functions, walking on eggs and making the best of our learned wisdom with our years of dealing with this issue. And yet, at the end of it all we continue to beat ourselves up for failure to be super parents or children. Peck’s words echo the pain of our trying to be good parents or children: “And sometimes,  even though they’re our own children, it’s not so easy for us to like them when they’re so different from us, when they no longer want our concern, and when their desire for our liking is so much of a one-way street…Am I feeling sorry for myself?  Yes and no.” Peck continued, “I have not learned how to love neutrally…On an emotional level it feels heart-wrenching. It feels unfair that God should have called me to passionately love my children for thirty years and now, rather suddenly, should be calling me to a neutered kind of love. It feels like I must almost stop loving them….But I never bargained for the possibility that I might have to have stripped away from me even my accustomed kind of love for my own children. I cannot imagine any part of aging to be more painful than that. Nor can I yet imagine what it will feel like when such stripping is finished.”

Peck’s words are the sentiment of many parents to different degrees and yet here is the opportunity for great spiritual growth if we can but allow ourselves to accept that out of the dynamics of our parent-child relationships, as imperfect as they are, are perfect for what we need to learn in this stage of our lives. Like all of life’s paradoxes, our family relationships are not meant to be what we want them to be until we are done with them. They are the grist for the mill of our spiritual healing journey.  Kahlil Gibran said. “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”

To recognize that we as children or as parents are always doing the best that we can for who we are and the stage of our learning, is the one consolation for letting things be, not trying to fix or control the outcome of our dysfunctional family relationships.  With this outlook we can forgive ourselves and each other for the shared pain and grief we inadvertently inflict upon each other. To love and respect ourselves and each other anyway, no matter how we judge ourselves and others is the greatest healing.

May this season of love and light bring continued growing opportunites.

Love is the reason we are alive:

“Love would never leave us alone,
A-yin the darkness there must come out to light….”

So goes the lyrics to Bob Marley’s song. We are love; being love and to be loved is our true nature. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, love is the third level after basic psychological and safety needs are met, followed by self-esteem, self actualization and later self-transcendence. I do not agree with this simplistic ranking of needs and in today’s world where safety needs are being diminished daily, even in the First World, are we to think that our need for love, to love and be loved is not as important, now that our very human survival needs are lacking?

Love is the basic need of all beings. In experiments performed with newborn babies where one group were given a lot of love in the form of human touch and the other were given minimal physical touch, the first group grew healthier and stronger compared to the control group. This to me, means that love and being loved is the highest motivation for living and the power to love ourselves and one another is paramount in these uncertain times. We are quickly losing our basic safety needs; our cities are crime ridden, families are losing their homes due to foreclosures, and with the tremendous amount of people losing their jobs, the burden of a safety net against adverse impacts of illness and accidents is a daily threat to our well-being. Maslow’s third level of needs, that of belonging and acceptance from a social network or supportive family ties is an important aspect in this period of financial disaster that is the reality for many families. In circumstances such as these, the hierarchy of needs according to Maslow are blurred. We need the support of a network of caring people to help us to meet our basic needs of food, shelter, health-care and emotional support.

One can argue that we as a civilization have come full circle where all our needs have been met according to Maslow’s hierarchy and are now privileged to have the choice to focus on any one level if we wish; that our ancestors who were so focused on their survival needs were not ready to maximize their highest potential. Isn’t it interesting that we are in the midst of chaos with global warming, environmental destruction and meltdown of our world economy as we reached the zenith of our human potential according to Maslow? I believe that human needs are not hierarchical, but are universal, and change according to social and economic circumstances. When any one of these needs on the main five levels are missing, we revert to poverty of body, mind and spirit.

What Maslow puts at the top of his hierarchy, self actualization and self transcendence are the fruition of our innate wisdom and its manifestation as our highest life purpose, which in the western world is synonymous with intellectual development. I believe that the capacity to access our highest potential is always available to us, but its priority is determined by the the mores of the society to which we belong.  In the Eastern tradition, it has always been customary for families to send a male child to be trained in the oral tradition of a monastic education, to become a keeper of the wisdom teachings and a spiritual guide for the laity. In our western society where intellectual development is now valued, we focus on educating all our children.  Our highest potential though, is our capacity to love and is the one constant that is essential to all areas of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual development.

As children we were naturally focused on love, our world was full of enchantment and the miraculous. We learned how to be a separate individual in a competitive society and assumed all the limitations of loss, scarcity and fear associated with such an outlook. The spiritual healing journey is about accepting love back into our lives, to be consciously aware of it in ourselves and in others. This is the highest purpose of our lives. We take for granted the one thing that gives meaning to all of life. In the words of Bob Marley:

You ain’t gonna miss your water until your well runs dry;
No matter how you treat him, the man will never be satisfied.
Say something! Could you be - could you be - could you be loved?