In my little town, it is usual that I run into a few people I know as I go about my errands. Yesterday was no exception, but the two people I met in the same store, mirrored back to me the conversation I had been having with myself. When this kind of synchronicity occurs, I believe that there is a message in it that I need to pay attention to.
The two conversations with the people I met were in some way commenting on my lifestyle, that I am not OK as I am. The first person, holding up a red and black lacy low cut blouse, thought that I could perk up my wardrobe a bit instead of wearing the subdued colors and cuts that I prefer. I walked away a little amused by this encounter, then in the next aisle I met someone I had not seen in a long time. She asked me if I had been keeping a low profile. Both people were giving me a subtle message that they do not approve of my way of being; how I dress, and how much I socialize, although they were very polite and apologetic in their remarks. It had to be more than coincidence, and so I made a note to myself to ponder this a little deeper when I was alone and quiet.
It is true that I had been having a similar conversation with myself, disapproving of my recent penchant for alone time. I have been very content spending lots of time by myself and staying away from social events, but I have also been feeling a bit guilty about it. As I contemplated the conversations later on, I saw how my disapproval of myself manifested in my outer world. Even though I told myself that it did not matter what others think, but that I am comfortable and true to my own self, the part of me that still looks to others for approval, attracted that encounter with those two people at the store.
As children we have been trained to act so that others would approve of us and like us. All of society is driven by approval ratings. It is what prospers big business. Corporations prey on our desire to look good in others eyes and advertising is geared to instill the fear of disapproval. Their subliminal messages tell us that disapproval would mean loss of love from others. Our insecurity and feelings of low self-worth are the pawns in the game of commerce. It takes a lot of courage to walk away from that trap, whether it is to be seen in the sexiest clothes or to be seen at the latest social event. When we feel comfortable in our own skins, it does not matter what our approval rating is.
On the spiritual path, we know that we are making progress when it doesn’t matter anymore, what others think about us. As we get to know ourselves at the level of the truth of who we are, beyond our ego fixations of what others think and feel, we begin to live life on our own terms. We become sensitive to our own cycles and live accordingly. There are times for being inward and times for more social activity. We dress for our own sense of style and comfort, rather than how others tell us we should. Our lifestyle is based on what appeals to our own well-being, not what we would look like to others, or determined by social status. When we become free on the inside, we already have our own approval, we are not looking for the outer world to approve of us. Life becomes an exhilarating experience, free from the encumbrances of the latest must haves that advertisers try to persuade us will be the cause of our happiness. We see through the dreams that are being sold as love and live with more kindness and compassion both for ourselves and all those who are enmeshed in the illusion of the happiness and love that money can buy.
We are the ones who must approve of us, we are the only approval rating we need!
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Well the last two posts have really spoken to me in my moment. I so value your reflections which help keep me steered in a good direction. Yesterday I kept returning the image of walking down a different road. Today I am thinking about my approval rating for me! Thanks much. Jude
By writing about this encounter, it shows that it is indeed a reflection of your perceived self, otherwise the experience would not have occured. Every one of us has a unique point of view which should be celebrated and shared. Be happy with how you experience and perceive the world. If you are comfortable and in alignment with your self, then you will be vibrating higher and your encounters with other people will reflect the good feelings you are digesting and broadcasting back into the world.
What anybody says, including this comment, is only a point of view. No one can have the same point of view or should be converted to share the same opinion. Our experiences are ours alone. If we believe in some one elses opinions over our own, we have lost a part of our selves and are no longer complete and can no longer function fluently in the spirit of the Moment. Feel with delight, what is, and the world will shift to reflect your vibrational outlook.
Approve of your Self Always, and there will be no need for a Rating or for one to compare themselves to another.
Hello Jude,
Anyone on the spiritual healing journey can relate to that line, “I walk down another street.” I posted this poem after the post, You Are Protected, as it reminds me that it is the grace of the masters’ teachings that give us the awareness to walk down another street. And it is only when we approve of ourselves that we have the grace to walk down another street.
As always, I am impressed with the depth of your perceptions on the journey.
Thank you for sharing deeply.
Big hugs!!!
Hello Bern,
Welcome!
I agree, “Every one of us has a unique point of view which should be celebrated and shared. ”
Thanks for sharing your insights.
Love and Blessings!
Dear Miruh,
As a woman who spent too many years trying to please others to the detriment of my own self, I connected with your post.
One one hand, we appreciate it when others respond favorably to who we are, how we look, what we do. However, as you so astutely said it, we are the only ones who need to approve.
Love the picture…is it yours? Loving you just the way you are. L
Hello Linda,
Yes, that is a photo of my friendly dog, Seeta, trying to come into the no-dog zone of my friend’s cat. I thought that this cat doesn’t care about approval ratings.
Seeking the approval of others is perhaps the most difficult of all obstacles to overcome on the road to freedom. It is so ingrained in our psyches as the way to fit in, to belong, to be loved at all costs. Kindness and compassion for ourselves is the healer.
Love and Blessings!
Right ON! Yes, love does not seek the approval of others. When we are authentic, we are love and we do not seek approval. We must approve of ourselves, however when we are in alignment with spirit we cannot help but approve of ourselves. To be able to let go of the need for approval is to let go of ego, this is the true freedom that all crave and few achieve. Great post!
This is so true, thanks for focusing on this. Working through my conditioned need for approval has been a big theme in my own path (and as a side note I do think this is often a bigger theme for women than men, because our socialization revolves much more around others liking us than achievement, but of course those kinds of statements always run the risk of stereotyping too much.)
Interestingly, I find that lately I have been judging myself harshly for exactly the opposite reason of what you ran into here – I have been judging myself for being ‘too social’, too ‘out there’ (online and elsewhere) and realized when I thought about it more that I was thinking that this would somehow ‘corrupt’ the integrity of my spirituality. So we all have these strange standards and judgments we pick up, and as you say, letting go of these is a big step.
The transition period has both the withdrawal and again back into action. It is but natural for others to view their opinion when something different is happening to this individual. We need patience and much more is to see the ignorance and just accept that. Human mind is cemented in concepts and so it is not that easy for everyone to let go the bricks.
‘but I have also been feeling a bit guilty about it. ‘ — probably, this is where you may need to watch out. It is all about aligning with ones own self and there is no guilty about it. simply the mind tries to play its game.
In the land of “nothingness”, who is to approve whom and what? The moment approval is brought, again the division arises–one to approve and another to get approved. In oneness, it is just being….
Transformation is indeed a Divine grace and may we all be grateful to that eternity…Just be and indeed am blessed to drown in your ocean of wisdom.
Hello Mark,
Well said, “…when we are in alignment with spirit we cannot help but approve of ourselves.” The journey to alignment with spirit is fraught with moments of disapproval of self, yet it is all part of the process, of awareness and return to love.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Hello Lisa,
I appreciate your honesty and openness in sharing about your spiritual journey. I feel that when we intellectualize about spirituality, it is misrepresenting what it is like to be a practitioner and people who read the lofty teachings espoused by some bloggers, may feel like they are not doing it right and are failures. No matter how long we have been practicing, there are moments of self-doubt and replaying of old mind-tapes.
Thanks for your deep sharing and love!
Hello Merging Point,
Indeed!…”In the land of “nothingness”, who is to approve whom and what? The moment approval is brought, again the division arises–one to approve and another to get approved. In oneness, it is just being….
I will contemplate this aphorism, dear one!
Thanks for your deep wisdom and clarity.
“We are the ones who must approve of us, we are the only approval rating we need!”…Thank you for this uplifting post, Miruh!
Now if only I can remember this the next time I feel I am ‘not good enough’ !
Hi Miruh my beautiful friend,
Firstly, I approve of you – that’s all you need. ;D
Secondly, alone time is the only time when I am truly free. There is nothing wrong with spending time alone or if you prefer spending time with others. What we learn in those moments are priceless pieces of the puzzle that let us know how to navigate ourselves through self-doubt, confusion, questions, etc. Often times when I go to social events, I think to myself, ‘I should have stayed at home.’ Then someone approaches me and starts a conversation and I know that I was meant to be there as a vehicle for them (and them for me). Whichever way spirit uses me is fine, whether with people or without.
Hello Marion,
The beauty of self approval is that we are not keeping tabs on the times we mess up; we honor ourselves anyway and keep moving on.
Happy weekend.
Hello Alexys,
Aha!!! Thank you, approval accepted. ;D
Wonderful words of wisdom, my friend.
Thanks for sharing your uplifting presence here.
Love and blessings!
Dear Miruh, your husband has pointed me in the direction of your blog, and here I am. Namaste! And congratulations on a year of wonderful blog posts. This post is very true – so difficult to navigate through Other People’s Perceptions. But the best thing about being a woman is being able to change through the different phases of our lives. And reach the skin we always knew we belonged in.
Hello Shaista,
Welcome!
I agree with you, having been through many phases of womanhood, I can say I that I fit the skin I am in, growing richer with age, like good wine…lol
Thanks for your kind comment, I will have to come by your place sometime and get to know you too.
Love and blessings!
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