I love the feeling tone of these wise words. They register in the space of silence in the heart center.

Thank you for stopping by and delivering these precious gems.

Deep peace to you!

Welcome!

“I find that my greatest fear is not sobriety, but that the spiritual way will further separate me from those I love…”

You have expressed what I believe is the root of everything that we hold on to that we are being asked to let go of, be it our addictions to substances or unhealthy behaviour patterns.

Walking the path of our spiritual awakening without the familiar is daunting and the courage to follow the call with perseverance is paradoxical in that it is deeply transforming as it is exhilarating.

May lightheartedness be with you all through the journey!

Welcome!

What you speak of is the gift of Grace, “I feel like am in a cocoon. There is a awesome sense of protection and vulnerability all at the same time.”

To stay in touch with this feeling is the practice that keeps us committed to the path that feels lonely at times. Even so, it is richer and fuller than what we are being asked to let go of, the path of striving and forgetfulness.

Thanks for stopping by and sharing this gem, bringing your light and wisdom to the conversation.

Namaste!

Welcome!

I was moved to read your comment, identifying with everything you say. Though I must say that in my present experience I am more at ease with most of the issues you brought up.

Re: Almost every day I lament my isolation from others…

As in my comments to others, I know that one does get to a place where it is OK to be different from others. I have noticed that when I focus on how I am different from others, is when I feel isolated. When I am not focused on others and on my own appreciation for who I am, and who I am becoming, I can be anywhere with anybody and it is OK. I am also what you may consider a minority in North America and I have always found this attitude to be true. When we have self-love, it radiates out to others and others treat us like we treat ourselves.

Re: …mystical and sometimes spiritual experiences for they have become the biggest contrast to my everyday state of consciousness.

I like the Zen phrase that goes something like this: Before enlightenment, mountains are mountains, clouds are clouds. After enlightenment, mountains are mountains and clouds are clouds.

I believe that many of us have notions about what life should be like if and when we become enlightened, given the mystical glimpses that we get in meditative experience.
Reading books like Shrunyu Suzuki’s Beginner’s Mind, Chogyam Trungpa’s The Sacred Path of the Warrior, Pema Chodron, Heart Advice for Difficult Times, and Jack Kornfield’s works, have helped me integrate everyday consciousness with my spirituality.

I am beginning to see this world and everybody no matter how they present, as divine essence learning about the truth. Everybody is exactly where they need to be in the path of awakening. Then I can practice letting go of judgment, and instead offer loving-kindness and forgiveness to myself and to everyone else. This practice has made my feeling of isolation lessen and I choose when I want to be alone and when I want to engage with others.

Re: ‘everyone else’ seems to be so happy and bubbly, going in and out of relationships so easily and effortlessly!

I assure you, everyone thinks like this, so we keep torturing ourselves about how inept we are compared to everyone else. There are a lot of people living empty lives, grasping to relate with this idea you mentioned.

I am glad you stopped by and shared your feelings. Many others like you and I have the same experiences, and it is good to express them so that others do not feel isolated.

Namaste!

You perfectly summarized in your comment the inconsistency and back-and-forth movement I experience: “It takes so much courage to follow our bliss, listening to the small inner voice that tells us what is right for us, yet, because of our social expectations, we feel guilty or worse, that we are wrong.” Almost every day I lament my isolation from others – a feeling that is further exacerbated with a feeling of being vulnerable and defenselessness because of the minority status imbued upon me, here, in North America.

Yet, the greatest oxymoron, which you and repliers have touched upon, is that I (as the hopefully temporary spiritual seeker) truly want to be with others, to melt away the gaps that exist between them and I, I and existence, and, especially, I and I. It is as if I want to inhale their essence into mine or lose myself into them as a way to escape from my isolated, lonely spiritual self.

Alas, however, not only is this (thankfully) impossible, but as I bemoan my isolation and feeling of loneliness, simultaneously, I remain unsatisfied and feel even more estranged as I seek to mingle with colleagues and comrades. Interacting has become, especially this past 2 to 3 years, very unnatural; as if I have to force myself to engage in social events and be with others.

When alone, the thought-desire of wanting a partner creeps up and presents itself as the solution of my existential emptiness (not the Zen-Buddhist ‘Emptiness’), but all it takes is a trip down memories lane where I had the socially constructed Hollywood life of the Alpha Male – you know, that guy on TV with many (supposedly) friends and female admirers, relative financial freedom, awards here and there, and success in this and that – to see how despite that life internally I was a pure mess.

I’ve been on this spiritual journey for some years now, the rewards have been phenomenal. And I still shake my fist at ‘spirit’ for teasing me with all those wonderful sometimes mystical and sometimes spiritual experiences for they have become the biggest contrast to my everyday state of consciousness, and intensified the loneliness and confusion.

Out of not knowing what to do regarding my state, I have tried to reach back to the past (past friends, past ways of being, past music’s I used to like, past activities), but YUK! It’s like an adult having outgrown their adolescent interest in teddy bears and cops and robbers once again playing with these items. Lol; it just doesn’t do it. So while going back is just more painful and pointless, the ‘future’ – which has come in glimpses of feeling pure naturalness, simplicity, and liberty and just very very normal – has not yet settled in, is not yet abiding.

This period in the middle, of utter confusion and, at times, helplessness and purposelessness, just dragging my heavy feet here and there thinking to myself ‘man, am I sure that I took the right spiritual path; is this truly what meditation is supposed to do to me, am I ever going to get out of this?’ – This is what has become the common life experience.

Though much has shifted within, I just feel like an alien on terra – while ‘everyone else’ seems to be so happy and bubbly, going in and out of relationships so easily and effortlessly!

I don’t know if you have experienced this Miruh (and others), but it’s like the deeper I go within and surrender to ‘I Am,’ the more and more my loneliness decreases, BUT, the more as well I feel just alone and different from others!

Thanks for your posts; helped me to get something ‘off’ my mind that I can’t speak to others about – without feeling embarassed and as if ’something is wrong with me.’

Welcome!

When we are called to walk the path, even if it is sometimes a solitary experience in the beginning, it is a most rewarding experience. As you wrote, the journey of uncovering the heart, to owning the wealth that lies within, is one of courage and enthusiasm and the greatest gift we are given.

Deep peace to you!