Letting Go Part 4

October 2, 2008

image credit: pasotraspaso

In the last post, Part 3 of this series on letting go, we started to look at how fear is the root cause of our control issues. We looked at our little quirky habits which are a way of having some control. What about the bigger control issues, for example, power struggles between partners in personal and business relationships, and people who are the victims of  government controls and imposed societal moral values? Sometimes control is synonymous with having power over another. Where do we draw the line between control to have an autonomous society and control to have domination over another? The root cause in any control situation is fear of something and as a protective measure, control is exercised. Getting to the root cause of the need to control is important on the spiritual healing journey, both on a personal and global level.

Why we control:

  • fear of rejection
  • fear of being inadequate
  • fear of losing love
  • fear of losing control
  • fear of loss
  • fear of success
  • fear of failure
  • fear of pain
  • fear of suffering
  • fear of fear
  • fear of the unknown
  • fear of death

I am sure you can add to this list ad infinitum. To get out of the habit of controlling others, we can contemplate what it is we are afraid of. An example, in a relationship where one partner controls the other’s social activities, is the reason behind the control a fear of losing love? If the relationship is based on love, then there is no reason to be afraid. If it is not, then controlling behavior will only drive the other person away, which is not what is intended. So working with the root cause: what is driving the controlling behavior, is helpful. In any case it all boils down to the death of the ego, our identification with how we define ourselves as a separate, distinct and individual being. We are so invested in this identification, that if anything threatens the loss of this identity, we immediately go into control mode, to prevent this loss. Sometimes, if even we are unhappy with this identity, we  hold on tight anyway, because it is what we know and have become used to. Anything else is the unknown, and fear of the unknown is what keeps us bound.

What is fear? Fear is disconnection from our truth. When we are aligned to the truth of who we are, we know that we are already always whole, magnificent, the all encompassing light of consciousness. All mystics from the western, christian, and the eastern traditions, tell us that the state of the highest spiritual attainment is an experience of oneness, peace, joy and light. In the east it is called Consciousness. Consciousness manifests as each and everything in this universe, no matter what form it show up as. When consciousness descends into form, it automatically loses its identification of wholeness and adopts an identity that is separate and individual, that we humans call the persona or ego. Our ego is defined by what we decide about our selves from our experiences and what society tells us is our truth. In the east, it is said that the ego also carries over the impressions of past lives. Fearlessness then, is dis-identification with ego and alignment to the truth of consciousness that we are. It is the highest purpose of our life. For most of us it takes a lifetime of work and carries over to other lives to come!

To be continued….