Living With Paradox Part 3

image credit: Oxfam International

I watched the debate of the US vice-presidential candidates and was inspired with the topic for this post. The answers to two questions the moderator asked, were revealing of the candidates’ characters. The questions were to the effect of: “What is your Achilles heel?” and, “Have you had to change a long held view to accommodate a change in circumstances?” One candidate admitted to his character flaws, the other evaded the question. One candidate narrated an incident where he had a change of mind and the other said that they were always able to work with others and come to a compromise.

I think that being able to admit one’s imperfections is a noble quality, it speaks of a humble attitude and a flexible nature. Accepting our imperfections is an important step in maintaining the rhythm of change and creativity towards our greater potential, as was mentioned in Part 2 of this series on Living with Paradox.

What drives us to be perfection addicts?

Television and glossy magazine ads endorse the perfect mother, body,  home, career, car, etc. Media ads prey on our vulnerability to being seen as ‘bad.’ We all want to be good people. At least to look good. Our society’s values demonstrate to us that good people are rewarded, happy, loved and safe; safe from rejection; safe from failure; safe from despair. So here again, like our control issues, our perfection issues boils down to fear. You can also say that perfection is the ultimate control.

What is the effect of addiction to perfection?

Many people lead stressful lives, trying to keep up the image of perfection. Having to uphold a perfect persona is burdensome, an energy drain and crazy making. We are always on our guard to do the ‘right’ thing, dependent on what other people think of us and forever having to wear the mask of our perfection. Once we get on the perfection ladder, it skyrockets out of proportion and before we know it, even we cannot maintain the dizzying heights that we have set for ourselves. For some people it takes a major wake-up call such as a terminal disease before they allow themselves a breather.

We aspire to show the world only the good side of our duality, while the dark side we deny, repress or purge. We all carry within our DNA the archetypes of polarity of the collective unconscious: the sinner and the saint, the fool and the sage, the beggar and the king, the coward and the hero etc. When we choose to portray only the positive face of our dual nature and deny the dark side, we are in danger of having the negative aspect of our duality erupt in another area of our lives. This is sometimes the case in serious illnesses and working on the emotional aspect of the disease can be a cure in itself. In Brugh Joy’s book, Avalanche: Heretical Reflections on the Dark and the Light he suggested that this is the case even on a global level where violence and chaos erupts in some corners of the world, counter-balancing the energy of mass consciousness. He said, “We must not forget that we are all in this together and that duality and its consequences are aspects of life’s Wholeness.”

Living with paradox is essential to the integrity of the individual and the masses. In the spiritual healing journey we are learning how to balance the polarities of our human nature and through acceptance of our duality, come to know the wholeness of our greater potential.

To be continued.

Related post:

The Addiction To Idealism