He fumbles at your soul
As players at the keys
Before they drop full music on.
He stuns you by degrees,
Prepares your brittle nature
For the ethereal blow
By fainter hammers further heard,
Then nearer, then so slow
Your breath has time to straighten,
Your brain to bubble cool,
Deals one imperial thunderbolt
That scalps your naked soul.

When winds take forests in their paws
The universe is still.

by Emily Dickinson

Happy Autumn!!!

This past weekend I had much to contemplate about the role of monetary wealth in spirituality. I pondered whether it is an issue to be concerned about, if seekers are receiving a lot in return. It is interesting to me that in one week, three different incidents have come to my attention, making me think deeply about this. I have been concerned about a friend spending an outrageous sum of money to be with a guru in India, close to ten thousand dollars. Last week I wrote about the spiritual warrior event in Sedona, to which sixty four people paid almost ten thousand dollars to attend. On Saturday night I watched a documentary about a day in the life of a spiritual leader. He is a very charismatic man with a huge congregation and an opulent church. He seems to be wealthy, dressed in very expensive looking clothes, drives a luxury car and owns a home in an upscale area. After the movie we all had various comments, some people were in awe of what they saw, a man who has a beautiful message of hope for humanity. Some people were immediately put off by the affluence and were not open to him and his message.

The contemplation for me this week is, “What does money have to do with it?” Am I being biased against some spiritual teachers because they ask for a lot of money in return for their teachings, or that they are interested in empire building? Many of us have an idea of spirituality that it should be given freely. The scene in the bible where Jesus drives the business men out of the temple comes to mind, or the barefooted holy men wandering the length and breath of India. On the other hand, some of us believe in giving wholeheartedly for the gift of spiritual knowledge, through the exchange of energy that money represents.

I liked the comment that was made by one person in the group that watched the movie, that when we enter a forest and see many types of trees, we do not judge the oak tree for being less or more than the fir. They both appear in different forms, some of us prefer oaks, some of us like firs better. Nevertheless, they both serve some purpose, expressing the varieties of nature. One is not bad because we do not like how it looks.

Perhaps there are different types of teachers for the different personalities of the spiritual seekers. One who is an ascetic would hardly be drawn to that opulent church with the flashy looking teacher. And the seeker who does not want to give up his luxuries to live the life of a hermit may not be attracted to a zen type of spiritual teacher.

If seekers get what they need from the teachers who ask to be compensated abundantly and they can afford to, is there any harm in that? Fortunately, there are also a lot of the other variety of teachers for those who are able to pony up a modest exchange. Maybe the lesson for me here is that everything is perfect as it is, that there is enough for everyone, that no one is being unjustly deprived. We all have the freedom to choose. If a seeker goes into debt to be with a teacher, they are learning about money issues and discrimination. No harm done except to my egoistic beliefs that teachers should all live modestly and walk lightly on the earth.

As my contemplation continues, I remember the practice of tithing where we make offerings, usually a monetary one out of gratitude for our spiritual teacher and our community. We consciously give what we can afford to support the community we belong to, out of love for what we have received, wanting to give back in return. It is a beautiful practice that engenders love for the spiritual path, expressing  honor to our teachers and our community. It is a practice that is metaphoric, we can choose to engage in it as a way of perpetuating the cycle of giving and receiving. That said, if we look upon the fees for an event as tithing, it is a gift. If we cannot afford this gift, there are endless other ways to participate.

For now, I relinquish my judgement, my bias, and I bless all who want to participate in spirituality, paying however much they wish to, monetarily or otherwise. It is all good!

I welcome comments on my blog posts as they help me to clarify what I mean and provide deeper insights that give a perspective that I may not have had. In my previous post about what I believe spirituality to be, Lisa from Mommy Mystic blog made a comment that inspired this post. Sometimes we need allies like Lisa to help us to be more clear in our understanding and expression. This is the advantage of not hiding away in a cave, metaphorical or otherwise, for it is in relationship with others that we get to know ourselves. Allies come in the form of teachers,  fellow travelers along the path of awakening, and tools that give us some reprieve from the difficulties we encounter. The journey  must be undertaken, knowing that only we ourselves can do it, but there is comfort in knowing that others are there to support us along the way.

Lisa’s comment referred to the teaching of  healing tools such as chakra meditations and other such modalities  as a way of exposing people to another world-view. In my post I stated that these techniques  are taught as spirituality when they are just methods for manipulating our energy bodies. I agree with Lisa that there must be a distinction made between  experiences gained from meditation practices and self-knowledge that comes from inquiring into the nature of reality and our part in it.

Many of us turn to spirituality looking for answers when our lives are not working. Some of us are looking for something that would just take away our problems so that our lives would be easier and we would be happier. These modalities that I referred to, do just that. They ease our pain but they do not address what is underlying our pain, so we have to keep going for energy healings or if we are disciplined, to do it ourselves.

Sometimes we will come across a guru who promises that all we have to do is surrender to them and that they will take all of our karmas away. Maybe this works, I really do not know because it is not easy to surrender; perhaps it is  surrendering the ego in itself that loosen our karmas. If we can accomplish that, then we would already be doing the work of self-inquiry that leads to knowing our true nature, so which comes first in this scenario with such a guru? There is no quick fix, we must take responsibility for our transformation.

I believe that people have always been looking for ways to make life easier. In earlier times, people went to shamans and priests to heal sickness, to get blessings for children and for an abundant food crop. Life was simpler then and the culture of ancient traditions did not have the fear and denial of  death as we do today. What drives our  seeking is the fear of death of our egos and physical death.We are now at a point in our evolution where we are being shown how our psychological makeup is constantly being reflected in our relationships and we see the need to understand how we create our reality and to master it. I have to be careful here because it is not as simplistic as some modern healers make it out to be. An example is, that we create cancer because we have not forgiven the past. When a dog gets cancer, does this apply? There are many contributors to factor in the equation of any of our difficulties, but we can work with what we know.

What we know from the wisdom teachings of the East, is that from lifetime to lifetime, we carry the impressions of our beliefs that cause us to act in ways that create the outcomes we experience. Until we begin to do self-inquiry and change our beliefs, we will continue to be stuck with the patterns that create our difficult emotional states. When we feel stuck and need a break from our minds, chakra  meditations and such modalities are a support. They are like taking an aspirin when we have pain. They take  the pain away for a while, but do not address the underlying cause, which in this case is our identification with our limited aspect, where we feel separate in a state of non-peace. If skillfully used, these modalities can help us to  get in touch with our negative states and move beyond them. When we stay present to our difficult feelings, if we keep inquiring what is the need behind it, we will see that we are asking for the experience of our true nature which is love.

With the wisdom teachings, we know that these states are not the truth of who we are, that they are one aspect in the totality of our beingness. We can hold that aspect with a loving tenderness and just like a child who feels comforted and secure after acknowledgement of their pain, we can return to being  lighthearted, joyful and free. This is simplifying the process, for of course we adults go through resistance about giving up the comfort zone of our egos. We resist change even if we know it is the answer we are seeking, for there is security in the old ways of being. Death of the ego is hard to bear even if it means we are cutting ourselves off from our divine aspect of expansive bliss and freedom.

Allies along the path help us by showing us how we hold on to our egos and they are supports for when we want to give up on ourselves. The spiritual journey is about constant letting go of our ego constraints through self-inquiry and to keep being centered in the Truth of who we are. It is not always fun, we would rather hold on to the drama of our difficulties for as one teacher puts it, “Peace is boring.” Our allies help to remind us about the reason we are here, and sustain us along the journey homeward. You, my readers, are my allies, even if I do not hear from you. You help me to express my truth and clarify my understanding of the spiritual healing journey. I am grateful for your presence, thank you!

I am very sad this weekend after reading the news about two people dead, and nineteen others hospitalized from attending a “spiritual warrior event.” Beyond Growth blog comments on this story here, sharing the perspective of magick gone wrong. My heart is heavy, thinking of the participants who paid a lot of money in the hope of spiritual transformation, that will make their life better, and the loss and confusion that the family and friends of the deceased are currently experiencing.

I have been wary of the rise in gurus and shamans in the West, promoting a better life in exchange for large sums of money. I do not think that most of these people are business oriented charlatans. I believe that many of these teachers are really wanting to help people to live with courage and joy in an increasingly complex and challenging world. I do believe that many of these teachers are naive about the power they can invoke in the unseen world, and are overly confident about the abilities they have attained from attending courses and seminars.

I have gained a healthy respect for other-worldly existence of psychic phenomenon, spirits and non-human entities, that we in the West are not exposed to, as the people of other ancient cultures are. I have heard enough stories from the culture of my ancestors and had my own personal experiences, to not be lured into dabbling in these realms for entertainment. There is much that we westerners do not understand. I know of teachers and healers who suffer physically and emotionally after working. One very gifted teacher went through a period of experiencing  vomiting and psychic disturbances that would arise suddenly. It  disrupted her life, where for example, she would be attending a social function, and needed to leave abruptly when the feeling came upon her. Another very capable healer, when she first started her practice, would end up laying on the floor as  in a heap, unable to move for a long time after a healing session.

Many people are seduced into learning about shamanism and attaining psychic powers for ego purposes, to make their lives better or to become a healer. This can be dangerous, for here in the West we are psychologically ill-prepared to deal with the world of psychic forces that we do not understand. We see  documentaries of shamans and witch doctors going into trance, frothing at the mouth perhaps, totally surrendered to the forces of the unseen. In that world, the shamans have been trained from childhood with the knowledge to straddle the worlds, and have the support of the elders of their tribe to hold the energy with dances and incantations to appease the spirits while they travel. On returning, they are taken care of with the use of herbal potions and prayers to sustain  body, mind and spirit. These shamans have a different world-view about transformation and the arts they practice. They are surrendered to life and death, and the risks involved in their arts. Here in the West, shamanism is practiced to make life easier, to get happier, and to attract material things.

Perhaps I am cynical about spiritual teachers, westerners claiming that they are teaching about spiritual subjects, dabbling in the arts of psychic manipulation. I believe that  spirituality is much different from these practices. In this blog, I attempt to write about what I believe spirituality to be. I have come to the conclusion after studying over the years, that spirituality is about self-inquiry. Asking the basic questions: Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going? The journey includes dealing with our feeling states and obstacles in the mind that get in the way of clarity. Inevitably we come to these questions because we are depressed from searching for joy on the outside. After attaining some measure of happiness, we are still dissatisfied and continue to search until we feel depleted, troubled in knowing that something deeper and more fulfilling is within our reach.

Our search takes us to all kinds of teachers. All these teachers give us a piece to the puzzle and we begin to recognize that there is no quick fix, no matter how much we are willing to pay for it. We are a culture of instant gratification; whatever we want, we can get it now, and there are teachers out there who pander to that need. We learn meditations to clear our chakras, awaken our kundalini energy, open up our third eye, to channel, and prepare our light bodies for ascension. All these are about working with our energy body. If we are visual types we begin to see colors and lights, if we are auditory, we begin to hear celestial music, if we are kinesthetic, we begin to feel energy. Then there is The Law of Attraction that teaches us how to get stuff. These powers are just that, they have nothing to do with spiritual attainment.

In an earlier post, Self-Attentiveness, I wrote about the true practice of spirituality and I referenced the sage, Nisargadatta Maharaj, saying that spirituality is very simple, that understanding life properly is the essence. He said that everything else that we do in the name of spirituality is pure entertainment.  Even the notion of attaining enlightenment is nothing but an ego boost. When we practice self-inquiry we ask ourselves what is the underlying need; perhaps it is a desire to attain enlightenment or a desire for some material thing. When we inquire deeply, we would recognize that we are looking for the experience of love and fulfillment, whether it is through having a new car or because we want some psychic powers. We have to go deeper than having visions and psychic powers,  for the ultimate fulfillment comes when we stop seeking and simply try to understand life and our part in it. Nisargadatta said, “Spirituality is nothing more than understanding this play of consciousness—try to find out what this fraud is by seeking its source.”

There are many seekers looking for answers and not knowing where to look, they are vulnerable to being misled by the many loud voices in the spiritual marketplace. I have been seeking all my life, and now I come to a place of acceptance that there are no answers, but only questions. The knowing that we do not know has great comfort and strength. It opens us to surrendering the ego, to opening to trust that there is a force that is loving and protective that will guide us. We will be guided to teachers and situations that will help us unfold the mystery and beauty of this existence, as we walk the path to the return home to Beingness. I am ever grateful for the teachers and allies that have helped bring this powerful lesson home, that truth lies within, and that what we are seeking is the one who is seeking. Come home to love, come home to Self!

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any—lifted from the no
of all nothing—human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

poem by e e cummings

Happy Thanksgiving Canada!!!

My friend rebukes my criticism, “One day you say I am heartless, another day you say I am strong; it’s all the same to me, it’s about walking the fine line of ruthless compassion.” It can appear as if we are being heartless at times when we have to act in ways that seem to deprive another, and we are in fact doing a favor rather than inflicting harm. I think my friend is heartless because he is very disciplined in not feeding his dog when he begs for food, not giving in to those longing brown eyes. By not feeding the dog every time he begs, he is helping him to stay healthy. I think my friend is strong because he acts spontaneously, doing what he wants, not trying to accommodate the idiosyncrasies of another. When my friend proudly proclaims, ” There is not a bone in my body that cares about what she thinks…,” he is really being very compassionate in not allowing this person to run away from reality. These are some minor examples of ruthless compassion. In the tradition of the master and student relationship, there are many stories in which this familiar theme occurs, of the seeming dichotomy of ruthlessness and compassion.  One of the most recounted stories in this vein is the story of Milarepa, a renowned master in Tibetan Buddhism.

Milarepa had committed many crimes in his life, he killed a lot of people and caused a lot of pain. He reached a point of deep remorse, and sought to turn his destiny around by seeking out a teacher who would initiate him into the true teachings, that would give him Deliverance in one lifetime. He was led to the great master, Marpa the translator. Marpa held out the goal of spiritual instruction and kept Milarepa busy at strenuous physical labors building various stone edifices. By nature Marpa was outwardly a rough and tyrannical teacher but inwardly he was all love and compassion. Marpa would instruct Milarepa to build a structure on a high ridge and just before it was complete, he would have him dismantle it stone by stone, and return all the rocks and boulders to where they were found, saying that he had changed his plans and wanted a new structure built elsewhere. This continued for many years, each edifice being more arduous to build and dismantle. Milarepa had full faith in his master and knew that he was slowly working away at his accumulated karmas. He was being tested in his faith, acquiring infinite patience and prolonged endurance. Each time he surrendered to the situation, each time he dropped his resentment, depression, anger and pride, he was becoming more awake and was gradually letting go of the burden of his previous deeds. His strenuous efforts made him hurt all over. His arms and legs were cracked and bruised, his back was one big sore. Marpa in his compassion, showed him how to care for his injuries, yet kept him working.  Meanwhile, Marpa taught the other students. Milarepa would try to join them but Marpa would drive him away with angry shouts and fierce beatings, causing him great mental distress. Many times he was driven to despair and wanted to run away or end his life, but Marpa’s wife, Damema, would comfort him and encouraged him, telling him that Marpa would soon disclose the secret teachings he wanted. Milarepa later became enlightened and ended up being one of the most highly acclaimed masters of his lineage.

This story teaches us to stay with difficulties that are brought before us. We can follow Milarepa’s example of endurance, of turning a bad situation into a goldmine of character building, of letting go, by staying the course when we want to run away from a challenging relationship with our boss, our loved ones or when we want to give up on ourselves when the going gets tough. The master within us is like Marpa, we are driven to stay open to what is. We are being compassionate to ourselves and others by not seeking something other than what is. For it is in being with the challenges before us, not trying to find a way out, or something better  that will ease our suffering. When we want to run away from what we judge as bad, we are constantly running and we never really get to experience life fully. We miss out on the beauty as well as the difficulties. The zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh said, “There is no enlightenment outside of daily life.” When we can see that life is already sacred as it is, we can live fully, allowing life to burn away the dross of our fears, our anger, our unkindness, and transform them into ruthless compassion.  It is a ruthlessness that is the mark of the spiritual warrior, a surrendering to love no matter how we are being tested in the trials of life.

It is the day to day living where the alchemy of change happens. My friend’s mother had an obsession for etiquette, that tended to kill spontaneity and joy. By not giving in to her obsession,he was really being compassionate, by helping her move beyond her comfort zone, into greater aliveness. When he makes his dog wait for meal times he is making him into a more agreeable pet. The practice of compassion may not always seem kind. It is not always what it seems like on the outside. For Marpa and Milarepa, it was not about building and breaking down stone edifices, but the bond of love between master and student. It is because of love that we are vigilant in rooting out all that stands in the way of being fully awake.

“All the bad people will have to go.” My friend was referring to the predictions of the years to come, that his teacher warned of.  Much is being said on the Internet and elsewhere, about the coming earth changes and anticipation of major shifts in consciousness  around the  year 2012, specifically on December 21st of that year. Another friend confided that she is waiting until after that date to think about starting a family. Predictions of this kind, understandably create fear, uncertainty, and uprooting of our concepts of reality. My own feelings about the coming “end times” are  far removed from either of my friends take on it.

Besides the predictions about the end of the Mayan calendar and its ensuing changes, there are some Christian sects that also believe in “end times.” Many evangelical groups focus their teaching on the rapture and the apocalypse referred to in the Book of Revelations. Another group believes that in the end times, only 144,000 good people will be ’saved’ and the rest will die forever. Some New Age groups refer to ascension into other dimensions in light bodies, and teach methods of evolving a light-body in anticipation of this event.  All of these groups polarize the good and the bad. The good will be saved and the bad will perish. In my mind this is an oversimplification, a black and white outlook on the framework of existence. Dogma is not limited to the church, you can also have dogmatism in mysticism, and New Age philosophies.

I believe that all religious stories are  metaphors for life, whether they are legendary or mythological.  The 2012 upheavals and the new age of enlightenment that is deemed to follow, can be a metaphor for personal transformation, which has traditionally been described in mythology as upheaval in the outer world of the individual, followed by the “dark night of the soul” and its transition to a state of freedom. In Hindu mythology, the current age that we are in is called the Kali Yuga or age of darkness and ignorance, and the age to follow, which is a long time from now, not within our lifetime, is the Satya Yuga or the golden age of  enlightenment and divine consciousness. Given this world-view in the Hindu tradition, I was quite surprised to learn of a couple of Hindu Gurus promoting programs in anticipation of 2012. Perhaps, like so many other teachers, they are feeding off the fear that they themselves are promoting about 2012 and the “end times.” To offset some of the hysteria about the approach of 2012, I would like to reiterate my own world-view which would perhaps bring a more balanced perspective to some of my readers.

Whether or not there is any truth in the predictions of upheaval on a mass level: rumors of turbulent earth changes, pestilence, virulent diseases and wars, we must keep in mind the nature of physical reality and the nature of the Consciousness that we are. I resonate with the words of the Vedantic master, Nisargadatta Maharaj, in which he extols the value of inner contemplation and finding out your own truth. “Get to know that “I am” without words which arises in the morning. Knowing the Self, abiding in the Self-knowledge, is not a mere intellectual knowing. You must be that, and you should not move away from it. Remain firm… There are many spiritual seekers whose aim is to acquire sufficient merit to reach a certain place, such as Heaven or Vaikuntha….Please understand that there is only one thing to be understood, and that is that you are the formless, timeless unborn. It is because of your identification with the body as an entity that your consciousness, which is universal consciousness, thinks that it is dying. Nobody is dying, because nobody was born. The millions of forms are the manifestation of  consciousness. It is the millions of forms which get created and destroyed, but universal consciousness itself is unborn and undying. Just imagine if all the million of forms which have been created were still here – how could other forms be created? It is because consciousness is unborn and undying that the million of forms get created and destroyed; it is a continuous process. Understand that what you are is this unlimited universal consciousness. Only that in which consciousness manifests itself is limited and is created and destroyed. The total potential of consciousness remains. It is unlimited. You are seeking knowledge from the standpoint of identification with the body and whatever can be grasped by the mind. When this body machine is there, the technique of using it is there, and that is what you are identifying with now, but it is not your true identity. You have no control over it, it has appeared and it will disappear. I talk to you from the perspective of the universal consciousness and I know that all bodies are the essence of food and that they will vanish.”

The teachings of the great masters give us the knowledge of the truth of physical reality and its purpose. We are multidimensional and physical existence is but one reality. As far as I understand, it is a dimension in which we are under the illusion that we are this finite being and we here to evolve into the experience of our infinite divinity. With that understanding, death and the dynamics of earth changes are but phenomena that affects the physical body. Who we are in totality is the witness to all of this. In fact, Nisargadatta Maharaj, at the end of his life, described his experience and said, “This consciousness gradually loses everything, and ultimately consciousness is no longer conscious of itself. That state cannot be described. It is called the Supreme Absolute, but that is only a name for communication purposes.”

Whether “end times” are upon us or not, and there have been many predictions in the past that have not manifested, we would be most prepared for change by focusing on the present moment, to do the work that is in front of us; taking care of our families, paying the bills, and to become the best that we can be with the abilities that  we have. I do not subscribe to the concept that the “end times” is a time of retribution, rather, I like to believe that we have choices in how we learn about physical reality. There are a million different ways we can be, and how we experience life and its consequences. The purpose of this life is about learning about love. I like the Dickinsonian character, Ebenezer Scrooge, who was shown the error of his ways, and changed to become a force of love and compassion, and became a happier man. I read of a real life story on the day following the last US  election; a woman met the daughter of a senator at his graveside, and commented that her father must be turning in his grave. The senator was known for his racism that affected policies that were hurtful to African Americans. The daughter informed this woman that her father had in fact changed his mind and his beliefs at the end of his life, and was remorseful for his deeds. I like to believe that we are given the choices and opportunities to grow if we wish to, and that our evolution would take as long as it takes. Perhaps this “end times” if it is true, is about speeding up the process, but certainly I do not believe in a God that is punishing.

There are many concepts and philosophies of life and we each must consider which world-view we want to adopt. Rather than following the spiritual path in order to gain merit as Nisargadatta cautions,whether we are Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhist, Jains, New Age  or Atheists, if we follow the basic foundation of the purpose of life, which all philosophies agree is love, then we will be well prepared for however life unfolds at the end and the beginning of times. Then we will have nothing to fear but fear itself.

In much of Personal Growth writings, we read about loving ourselves, and invariably we are given lists of things to do, to pamper and nurture ourselves. In my own practice of self-love, I have discovered that it is not so much the doing of things that achieve love, but rather in being and in letting go. In my previous post, I wrote about self-approval and this post takes up from that thread, for indeed, approval and love go hand in hand.

There is a Hindu tale that well illustrates the dilemma that many of us are in, when we seek love and happiness in the outer world. In India, there is a traditional, sure way of catching monkeys. A hole just big enough for a monkey’s open hand is made in a hollowed out half of a coconut shell. The shell is filled with food that the monkey likes and it is then pinned to the ground. The hunter comes along and then seizes the greedy monkey who would not let go of the food that lured him into the trap. Many of us are like the monkey, we are trapped in our pursuit of worldly success and its accoutrements and look for all kinds of ways to lessen the stress that comes with accumulating the things that we hope will bring us love. Like the monkey, we can attain our freedom, simply by letting go. Unlike the monkey who is not given much room to have any of the bounty, we do have lots of space to have what we need. We bite off more than we can chew. It is the religion of accumulation that keeps us trapped; the accumulation of material things and grievances.

Love is inherently within, and nothing we do on the outside makes it happen. Love arises from within, and we erroneously conclude that it is the result of what we do. Whatever we do that makes us feel love, will be finite. We have to keep doing that thing over and over in order to keep experiencing love. Eventually, depression sets in because we are still left feeling unfulfilled and exhausted, even though we are in the constant pursuit of doing. So instead of doing, if we focus on being, we awaken the heart to the generosity of love. This beingness is not accomplished by adding more to ourselves, but by a stripping away of everything that stands in the way of this love.

What do we have to strip away, to let go of, to experience love?  This stripping away means doing no harm. In the words of the Buddha, “You can search the whole universe and not find a single being more worthy of love than yourself. Since each and every person is so precious to themselves, let the self-respecting harm no other being.” I would drop the “other” from the quote so that it includes ourselves. For it is the sense of unworthiness that blocks our love, and when we leave ourselves out of the picture, doing no harm to others, but continue to be self-destructive, we are still missing out on the experience of love. The injunction to do no harm includes having loving-kindness for ourselves as well as all beings.

The experience of the awakened heart is a vulnerable, paradoxical state where we feel our hurt, our pain, anger, jealousy, and hatred, and yet continue to love anyway.  We all know how easy it is to hold on to a grudge and how reluctant we feel to let it go, thinking that we are creating a protective shell to shield our hurt and sadness. Instead, we become more fearful and alienated within and without. It is the willingness to let go of criticism, judgment, and anger towards self and others that will free us into the tenderness of love.

How do we practice letting go? For me, a simple way to do this, is a Buddhist practice in which we bring a  generous spirit to each moment and each encounter. We create a spaciousness by opening to whatever hardship is before us, breathing it in, and breathing out gentleness and compassion. With every breath, we breathe in the sorrow that touches us, allowing it to open and soften our hearts, and then breathe out healing loving-kindness. In this way we are practicing what the Buddha said, “Like a caring mother holding and guarding the life of her only child, so with a boundless heart of loving-kindness, hold yourself and all beings as your beloved children.”

At first, this practice is not easy to accomplish. It is important to remember that we are not intending to fix ourselves or the world, but meeting pain and suffering with a compassionate heart. We may find ourselves experiencing reluctance, overwhelm, irritation, fear, and frustration. With patience and practice in a spirit of kindness and genuine affection, we  will eventually open  up to the awakened heart of love. And like a shining jewel, the awakened heart reflects the light, and casts a beautiful glow on all it touches.

Related posts:

Letting Go

Living With Paradox

In my little town, it is usual that I run into a few people I know as I go about my errands. Yesterday was no exception, but the two people I met in the same store, mirrored back to me the conversation I had been having with myself. When this kind of synchronicity occurs, I believe that there is  a message in it that I need to pay attention to.

The two conversations with the people I met were in some way commenting on my lifestyle, that I am not OK as I am. The first person, holding up a red and black lacy low cut blouse, thought that I could perk up my wardrobe a bit instead of wearing the subdued colors and cuts that I prefer. I walked away a little amused by this encounter, then in the next aisle I met someone I had not seen in a long time. She asked me if I had been keeping a low profile. Both people were giving me a subtle message that they do not approve of my way of being; how I dress, and how much I socialize, although they were very polite and apologetic in their remarks. It had to be more than coincidence, and so I made a note to myself to ponder this a little deeper when I was alone and quiet.

It is true that I had been having a similar conversation with myself, disapproving of my recent penchant for alone time. I have been very content spending lots of time by myself and staying away from social events, but I have also been feeling a bit guilty about it. As I contemplated the conversations later on, I saw how my disapproval of myself  manifested in my outer world. Even though I  told myself that it did not matter what others think, but that I am comfortable and  true to my own self,  the part of me that still looks to others for approval, attracted that encounter with those two people at the store.

As children we have been trained to act so that others would approve of us and like us. All of society is driven by approval ratings. It is what prospers big business. Corporations prey on our desire to look good in others eyes and advertising is geared to instill the fear of disapproval. Their subliminal messages tell us that disapproval would mean loss of love from others. Our insecurity and feelings of low self-worth are the pawns in the game of commerce. It takes a lot of courage to walk away from that trap, whether it is to be seen in the sexiest clothes or to be seen at the latest social event. When we feel comfortable in our own skins, it does not matter what our approval rating is.

On the spiritual path, we know that we are making progress when it doesn’t matter anymore, what others think about us. As we get to know ourselves at the level of the truth of who we are, beyond our ego fixations of what others think and feel, we begin to live life on our own terms. We become sensitive to our own cycles and live accordingly. There are times for being inward and times for more social activity. We dress for our own sense of style and comfort, rather than how others tell us we should. Our lifestyle is based on what appeals to our own well-being, not what we would look like to others, or determined by social status. When we become free on the inside, we already have our own approval, we are not looking for the outer world to approve of us. Life becomes an exhilarating experience, free from the encumbrances of the latest must haves that advertisers try to persuade us will be the cause of our happiness. We see through the dreams that are being sold as love and live with more kindness and compassion both for ourselves and all those who are enmeshed in the illusion of the  happiness and love that money can buy.

We are the ones who must approve of us, we are the only approval rating we need!