Reason For Being

Why are we here? Most of us will respond in the manner in which our culture defines what life is worth. In the modern culture of the West, we are trained from birth to be a cog in the wheel of society that is based on consumption. We contribute to the prosperity of the masses while identifying with our independent existence, each competing for the greater slice of the bounty. In traditional cultures, there is more of a focus on harmony. The elders teach that the survival and flourishing of the whole society is dependent on respect and the welfare of each person. In the model of the traditional cultures, people seem happier, more aware of their connection to all of life and its interdependence. In the West, people are unhappy no matter how materially wealthy they are. What can we learn from the wisdom teachings of the traditions that allow people to thrive,  immersed in the love and simplicity of their beingness?

Jack Kornfield in The Wise Heart, mentioned that in 1989 at an international Buddhist teacher meeting, the Western teachers brought up that in the practice of Western students, the most prevalent  problem was that of self-hatred, unworthiness, shame, and self-criticism. “The Dalai Lama and other Asian teachers were shocked. They could not quite comprehend the word self hatred. It took the Dalai Lama ten minutes of conferring with Geshe Thupten Jinpa, his translator, even to understand it. Then he turned and asked how many of us experienced this problem in ourselves and our students. He saw us all nod affirmatively. He seemed genuinely surprised. “But that’s a mistake,” he said. “Every being is precious!”

The disparity in cultural expectations begs the question, how is it that in some cultures the word self-hatred does not exist? I believe that it is based in the fundamental premise of our Western society which honors success and self-importance above all else. We learn to judge ourselves and others, to compare ourselves, and to identify with our roles. This narrative is a formula for self-hatred, self-criticism, and unworthiness.

The sages tell us that the cause of our suffering is due to our identification with our roles such as woman, mother, business-partner, healer, writer; our thoughts which are mostly related to our roles; our opinions; our bodies and our separate self-hood.  When we experience ourselves as separate, disconnected from all other beings and all of life, this sense of duality leads to grasping at things to protect ourselves from loneliness and fear. We then suffer from  fear of loss of what we hold on to. An endless cycle of grasping, fear and its ensuing suffering becomes our reality and  engenders self-hatred and feelings of unworthiness. The sage Nisargadatta Maharaj said, “One without the sense of duality has no occupation, no intention or desire, and no sense of doership….The concept”I am” veils the Absolute—it is the source of misery and is itself untrue. This is the essence of spirituality” To me, this means that when we identify with our roles, our opinions and our thoughts, we lose our connection to the truth of who we really are. There is no other, but the one Self that expresses through each person. We are no better than any person, animal or thing. We are all emanations of the same love. When we can identify with our fellow humans and all other creatures, we connect to the love that is its expression. We come to realize that we are everything, our heritage is the great spirit that unites us all.

We are all on the journey to reclaim the legacy of our spiritual heritage. When we lose sight of this awareness, we are ensnared in the mire of cut-throat competition for more, burdened by the ceaseless vitriol of self-loathing and judgment of others. We have to be vigilant of  illusion that draws us into its grip. For me, the most important practice is mindfulness of judgment of self and others. When I judge, I am saying that I am not good enough as I am, there is something wrong with me. The same for when I look out and judge  situations and people. To remember that all of life is about learning and moving on to the next stage of our development, and whatever level we are at is good enough for now. To remember to identify with the greater aspect of my beingness that is already perfect, when these feelings of illusion arise. I have to recognize that when I ask to be established in peace and joy, that I have to let go of the illusion of unworthiness and self-hatred.

The notion that we can hold on to our unhappiness, our disrespect of ourselves and others and still be immersed in peace and joy is in conflict with our truth. If we indulge in conflict in ourselves and in our world, there is no room for peace. We cannot live in this duality and become established in the one Consciousness.  So the spiritual healing journey for me is about letting go of everything that is not peace. If I am not feeling peace, then I am in conflict. If I cannot be at peace with my own self, then how can I expect to find peace in my world. Everything that shows up in life is asking of me, “Can you be at peace with this too?” My reason for being is to be at peace. When I am in conflict, I say to myself, “may I be free from suffering, may I be at peace, may I be happy.” I offer the same blessing when I am aware of judging others, that they be at peace. It always amazes me how the moment I become mindful of judgment and let it go, my general sense of well-being moves from contraction to expansion and love, that the  energy in my body feels free and abundant.

When we recognize ourselves in others, when Consciousness recognizes itself, this is called self-realization, which the sages tell us is our reason for being. We may think that self-realization is some lofty unattainable ideal, yet when the sages speak of it, they speak of loving and respecting ourselves just as we are, for Consciousness lives in us as us. It is that simple. Yet it really isn’t, or else all of us seekers who have heard this, would already be realized. I learned that only we can do it, we have to do the work, for I have sat in the company of a few realized beings, and if hanging out with them can make you become realized, I would have made that claim a long time ago.

With compassion for who we are, where we have been and where we are headed, we rally on the path to freedom and extend this same compassion for all beings that  we meet along the way. This is the formula for true success and genuine honor.

May it be so!